The Sleep Of Reason Produces Monsters

I am dyslexic (struggle with literacy) and dyscalculic (struggle with numbers and mathematics). My way around these problems has not been easy. I dropped out of high school because I couldn't do the work and people didn't understand how best to help me. Mostly my morale was shot. I felt inferior and embarrassed. I was scared of anything resembling lessons or instruction for fear of failure. What learning I did do was by myself and with a strong sense that I was 'getting it very wrong'. I eventually concentrated on improving my literacy and did adult education courses. The teachers there were excellent and clearly used to working with people like myself. Above all, they were kind. The stuff that scared the shit out of me as a little kid was teachers gaining the trust and confidence of children, saying things like "now, don't be afraid to ask questions!' only to stab the young enquirers whose questions were deemed unworthy of answers: "well, someone clearly wasn't paying attention!'. They are the true idiots.

While I improved myself in one department, mathematics has always overwhelmingly terrified me. For example, I never really understood what a right angle triangle was or how it differed to an equilateral triangle until about 15 minutes ago, while watching a video (at age 37!). And learning what it is and how it's not particularly complicated is both a relief and a sadness for me because I have worried about stupid shit like this all my life and I and everyone else like me never, ever needed to! I have gone back to books I thought I'd be scared of for the rest of my life and I have found hope. The tormenting thing is that I'm not entirely sure when and when not to worry about things. I worry about most things.